Artist Talk on Senior Show

I’d like to first thank everyone for being here and supporting us.

I’ve been making art since I was a little kid, I can remember making origami houses and pianos out of paper. In high school I took an anatomy course, which we had a coloring book and where my interest in medical illustration started. But that's not what I'm here to talk about today.

My inspiration recently has been coming from reflections and personal experiences because, to me, that is the most authentic place and most accessible.

The pieces I talk about today are exclusive to this school year and that’s important. They are about growth, where I have been, how I have felt, and where I am going. By the way, I dont like sharing my deep feelings or being vulnerable so this is kind of hard for me. One artist, inparticular that has influenced me is Eric Fischl. The way he can create an uncomfortable environment for the viewer by putting an undressing woman in front of a boy, is exciting to me. It starts with Tight and White 1, the drama of the situation is what drives it and what I was using as a distraction. While painting this, I was in a place of non function. I would skip class, avoid the academic side of campus, go off campus to eat lunch because I was sick to stomach at the fact of seeing certain professors. I wouldn’t do assignments. I would come so close to asking for help but could never bring myself to because I’d say to myself, “Henry, you have your health, family and friends so quit complaining. You literally have it made.” But that conversation became, “Henry, why are you eating that? The only thing you have left is your health. That is the one thing you have going for you, how hard you can work yourself.” It’s funny because I had I continued to treat myself like this, I’d be super nervous to give this talk and it would not be as honest.

I couldn't continue like this, it was a Thursday morning which I had skipped class and went to ask for help and I told my parents so over text. They were very supportive and proud that I sought out someone. It wasn't until my mom called me that day and I broke down, bawling my eyes out. I could barely get words out. All I wanted to do was give up and just go home. In Mom, Dad & Me 2, it represents this time. Spilling of emotion, thoughts, and just about everything we held inside. Notice the slight amount of red inside each shape. I know in myself that there are still feelings I keep inside, and I’m sure it is the same with my parents. Keeping things bottled up to ‘protect’ yourself or others does the opposite. It puts your relationships at risks because you begin to put your own thoughts in the minds of others and start to resent them. More importantly you put yourself at risk.

I needed to go to a place of comfort. When I was little, my mom would rock me in this wooden rocking chair any time I got scared or fretful. Growing up she always told me, “Don’t fret it Hen.” Or on our way to school, whether it was my mom or dad, we’d sing Oh Happy Day. I felt safe. I can still feel the smooth smooth finish of the chair. This year, my mom bought me a cow print chair. It sits in the middle of a three window wall, trully the center piece of the room. CowChair 3, brings a time in my life full circle and in a way closes one door and opening another. CowChair 3 represents from when I was a little kid to now. The cow print chair I sit in today is where I reflect, meditate, and relax. It’s my rocking chair 2.0. So, here I am getting better and moving in the right direction.

Toss 4, is putting me back in a place of action. Last semester, when I was skipping class, avoiding professors, and non function. Under the descent/ascent of a tennis ball is one of those places where I feel most comfortable. Eyes focused. Knees bent. Racquet on its path behind your head. Ball reaching its peak. Body lunging up and forward. Your wrist snaps and the ball pops off the strings, headed towards the other side. It lands perfectly in the box and you wait for it to fly by your opponent or ready for their return. It only gets better with practice, it becomes second nature to you. It’s important to practice the healthy things in life, like being mindful and kind to yourself. 

The TennisBall Piece 5, is a culmination of my progress and growth just these year. I’ve always had dreams of doing big things and making a difference but they mostly resided in my head because I feared failing and not reaching those goals. I had a hard time taking the leap into the unknown to reach where I am now, today. In general a lot of people believed in me but I did not believe in myself and I put those thoughts in others, so as you can imagine I felt like I was alone and everyone was against me; and for a time a sick part of me liked that because if I did succeed then I beat the odds. It’s hard to beat those odds when you give yourself no chance. A conversation I used to have with myself would go sort of like this, “How do you expect to change lives when your own is a mess? How do you expect to show your art in places like New York when you cant complete a simple writing assignment? You’re the kind of person who shares their great ideas but that’s all they ever become, just an idea.” Most people have been in the dark about this part of my life. TennisBall Piece 5, represents the dreams and ideas I have and this is just the beginning of what I want to do. Because if I can find 4,000 tennis balls and create a mural out of them, what can’t I do? Through the process of making it, I encountered obstacles like not having enough room in my car for materials or having a bag split open and chasing down tennis balls in Home Depot parking lot. I had to ask for so much help from others, maybe something I should have tried a long time ago. It’s ok to ask for help.

So, I was in a dark place and felt alone and incapable. I have grown this year, though, in ways I didnt intend. Relationships have grown stronger through opening up. Where do I go from here? To be honest I dont really know, but where ever it is? I know I wont be alone.

Thank you everyone again for being here, it means the world.